SCOPE'S COLLEAGUES TAKE PART IN CLASSROOM SHENANIGANS

WELLESLEY MIDDLE SCHOOL - Colleagues of many Scope members engaged in tomfoolery during a scheduled Connections class in the "half-day." Connections is a self-explanatory class; it's a class designed to bring students in a homeroom together. The students were to write compliments for each member of the homeroom, but due to the clique system in effect at WMS, not every classmate knew each other as a friend. Thus, some decided to make vague comments in an effort to not let the classmate know they did not actually recognize them as a person they knew. However, in actions directly against the system given to them, certain students, when confronted with an unknown classmate, reportedly wrote "Chica chica yah!" as a comment. The motive behind these insidious comments has not been found, but authorities in the school quickly disposed of the notes. Their recipients do not currently know of their existence, and the would-be recipients' names were not released. No punishment has been handed out as of 3/12/08.

SCOPE BATTLES ROBOTS; WINS

THE INTERNET - A writer of the Scope has published an article on the brave battles made against internet robots trying to sell porn to 9-year olds. The members of this anti-robot brigade were not completely righteous, however; some methods used to destroy the robots involved mimicking internet police, a charge that would land the anonymous heroes years in jail with no chance for parole. While no proof was given except for an example of the robot's work, the Scope claims they "pissed off" the robots and then routed them from their evil lairs. The Smudge had previously believed that robots had no emotions, but, alas, this is not so.
In other news, a member of the Scope had salsa put on his head. His response to this peculiar act was to stain the perpetrator's 40 dollar jacket with the same salsa; no charges have been pressed yet.

SCOPE PUBLISHES ARTICLE ON HOW TO LOSE RESPECT OF OTHERS

THE SCOPE - News has come in that an Asian senior writer at the Scope has decided to publish an article on how to insult a human being. We find this a strange twist on what used to be a friendly, excellent newspaper. The Asian writer, self described as a "nerdy kid," has created the article supposedly because, "If you don't earn your reputation soon, in highschool you will get eaten." Subscribers to the Scope, however, were disgusted with the utter cruelty involved, and how it suggests to treat your fellow man with disdain. An interview with an avid reader revealed that groups of readers were reporting the article to authorities.

Editor's Note- We at the Smudge would normally be outraged at this attack on the 1st Amendment, but we'd give up our free speech to see this article cease to exist. We hope the Scope picks up its usual editorials and columns, and quickly fires this Asian, who has not apologized as of late for his actions, but attacked his opposition: "If anyone should be reported, it should be you. Everyone, notice the time lapse of 0 min. of the comments. It's the same person, who thinks he/she's so clever. I'll be sure to report you to the MA Department of Sexual Offenders if you think a little kid is 'horny.'" We here at the Smudge are sorry this article was not journalistic, but we cannot attempt professionalism at this time, especially when there are Asian writers who have yet to apologize for their actions.

SCOPE DISCOVERED AMAZING FACT: CLOTHING IS OVERPRICED

Earlier this evening, a senior editor at the Scope forayed into the world of fashion. Apon further examination, he noticed a grave error in the system no one else had; certain clothing is overpriced. The Scope was quick to publish a groundbreaking article on how men's suits cost $10,000 when the production costs were not $10,000. The FBI has sent many probes into the fashion industry to find who is extorting our fine citizens. We at the Smudge would like to thank the Scope for such a find, and for proving journalism is alive and well in our community.