IDENTITY OF MASTER CHIEF REVEALED: "CHRISTION" ACCORDING TO SOURCES

The identity of a well-known and mysterious poster on the Scope, known to the world as "Master Chief", has been revealed. After his initial splashdown on the Scope, with the famous text "HELLO I AM MASTER CHIEF, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL" believed to be quoting the book of John, 3:12, many investigations were started to find his true identity, all to no avail. However, recently, a man who could only be called by his codename, penis, claims that the infamous Master Chief is Christion.
While his claim had no actual proof to back it, many high-ranking authorities found merit in it; one such authority, after being told the news by our staff, exclaimed, "oh, haha". Master Chief's motives were unclear, and Christion could not be reached for comment. He left a cryptic message as a "farewell address" of sorts to his followers, however: "STFU, u noob, im leet i haz recon, IM A LEET NUB PW8NER, U R A NUB, STFU, COD 4 SUCKS BALLS, HALO 3 FTW" No cryptologist has been able to crack this code, although it's believed to be about fish.

SMILIES TESTED OUT ON SCOPE'S C-BOX, "COOL"

4 "smilies", an internet word for a series of alphanumeric characters usually meant to represent a human being's facial expressions in an effort to tell the sendee of the smiley the mood of the sender, have been tested. Reuters reports ; ), : ), : (, and (: ) were used. ; ) was tested twice, for accuracy. After extensive review, the smilies were rated "cool" by an astounding 100% of the testers. All 4 are planned to be released worldwide on April 1, the beginning of the fiscal third quarter.

Our Mission Statement

This blog was not created for the ruthless character assassination of the team working the Scope; no, we at the Smudge have nothing against them, other than the fact that they has banned most of their readers from the c-box, and are therefore an enemy of free speech. All we ask from them is that they unban every single victim, and we will stop being such unbelievable assholes to them. Well, we haven't started, but we will. Trust us, we will. No really, we sat down and thought it out. We've come to the decision that racism would probably work, but that might lead to too many flaggings. Oh yeah, have you flagged us yet? Please, don't hesitate. This was brought to you by Viewers Like You, who can't figure out how to get the damn c-box in so you dicks can spam "penis" and "gay" before we don't ban you. Like the Scope wouldn't. We mean, the Scope would ban you. That's the point of our existence.